IN RESPONSE TO GOV. RICK PERRY, LOCO JOE THROWS HAT IN RING

PRESIDENTIAL PLATFORM OUTLINED

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Candidate Loco & 1st Lady, Karen

AUSTIN, TEXAS. If you are up for a serious candidate and a refreshing spoof, then check out guest writer Loco Joe Heidelmeier's platform for the presidency below.  Loco decided to enter the race when he heard Gov. Perry was praying (as governor) for rain in Texas --  and it didn't rain. (New York Times rain story) I suppose, if it had rained, Joe would have voted for Perry.  Comments and campaign contributions welcome.
-- Russ Barnes, Moderator, "Travel with a Twist."

LOCO: THE PLATFORM

Downright scary. I've not seen a candidate in any party that I could vote for.  I just don't want Jesus with my eggs and grits when we are at war on 3 fronts, and appear to be going back into recession. I wish we had someone like a Bob Schieffer (CBS' "Face the Nation") or a Colin Powell. Michelle Bachman is preaching anti-government and she worked for the I.R.S., pays for medicare, and has a farm that gets Government subsidies. I would probably vote for Hillary if she wanted to run, but that's not going to happen.

Obama is in a tight spot. He promised too much, and all his senators and reps are taking it apart.  But we don't need another Palin, McCain circus.

LOCO FOR PRESIDENT

No religion, but respect all. Good brains. (what's left). No affairs. No quirky financial dealings (no money). No skeletons in the closet. Like guns, pets from the shelters, and Mexican food.

From Texas. Don't pay $100 for a a haircut. Don't get 'em. Like beer. (That's a lot of votes.) I can go hunting without shooting a colleague in the face. Don't know a thing about law. That's why you hire lawyers.

Never been in the service, but went to a lot of buddies' funerals that died in Viet Nam. My dad was a P.O.W. in WW2.

Wife, Karen, would be first lady. Teach people how to make their own clothes instead of going to Wal-Mart.

I'd appoint Russ Barnes and Wayne Langham to be on my cabinet. Of course we would have Sharon Barnes to document all our triumphs. The White House would have a Cabela's in it.

CHICKENS IN THE ROSE GARDEN -- BBQ CLOSE BY OVAL OFFICE

There would be a BBQ pit close by the Oval Office. Beside Michelle's vegetable garden, there would be a place for my chickens, and maybe a goat or two (cabrito). No Donkeys or Elephants.

My son John would be Secretary of Transportation and teach people how to save by riding a bicycle. Lance Armstrong would be his assistant.

Instead of Camp David, we would go to A.C. Ranches in Fort McKavett. Sit in the bar, plan strategy, then go shoot an Elk. Trips would be limited to the Northern Hemisphere. Save on jet fuel. All the other dignitaries (from other countries) would have to come here. Instead of the Secret Service driving black Suburbans, they would have jacked up F-350 4-wheel-drive trucks. Their clothing would all be from the Cabela's in the White House.

Every new foreign dignitary would have to take a course on John Wayne and Elvis.

Willie Nelson and Dolly Parton would be in charge of entertainment.

I'll be on CNN in the morning. Just got paid; so that's my campaign fund  for now.

-- President Loco JOE
 
PLEASE NOTE:  Joe Heidelmeier runs for President of the United States using the nom de plume, “Loco Joe.”  His party affiliation is “Party for America.”  Anyone can write in the name, Loco Joe.  To get his votes counted, a petition is required signed by about 35 people. An email affirming your desire for Joe to be on the ballot counts as a signature.  Send affirmative emails to jhknives@austin.rr.com with this language included: “I believe Joe Heidelmeier is the best candidate for President of the United States.  Therefore I sign this petition and affix my name in order to place Mr. Heidelmeier on the ballot for the general presidential election in the year 2012.”  By signing the petition, you do not obligate yourself to vote for him -- only to get him on the ballot as your option.

Please send the address of Loco Joe’s announcement of his candidacy and platform to all your friends at http://travelwitwist.blogspot.com/2011/08/in-response-to-gov-rick-perry-loco-joe.html.  Link it to social media.